Icepocolypse 2010

Well, Christmas Eve 2009, Oklahoma City got hit with a "Storm of the Century". All I can say is "Time flies when you're having fun." because Oklahoma City is getting hit with another punch in the groin from Old Man Winter. Wednesday was 65 degrees. Yesterday the freezing rain starting falling, turned to sleet and little snow. It let up around 8PM leaving my part of town with 1/4 -1/2 in of ice with about 2 in of snow on top.

Today has been non-stop snow and we probably have about 4-6 in of snow on the ice. At least it's the weekend. Roads aren't plowed, some parts of the state are without power and everyone just kind of hunkers down and waits it out.

Me? My wife & I played Pandemic & Rock Band. She worked on her Stampin' Up! business and I worked on taxes. Later I'll be working on some more blog stuff.

Tomorrow? Digging out and more of the same.

Jonah Hex movie storyboards

Darren at viaPonyExpress yahoo group unearthed these two sequences on Flickr posted by Neveldine & Taylor. There is an opening sequence and a confrontation between Hex & Turnbull. Not sure how much of these are in the final film but they are dated November 3rd of 2008. (Missed Jonah's birthday by 2 days).


Take a peek at more over on Flickr. Then feel free to discuss here.

Jonah Hex #89 "Blood Legacy!"

Jonah Hex #89 Feb 1985
"Blood Legacy!"
Michael Fleisher, story - Mark Texiera & Dennis Jenke, art - Ed Hannigan & Tony DeZuniga, cover

Jonah Hex is in bed at Mrs. Crowley's Boarding House with the local doctor telling him to take it easy. The doc has dug the bullets out of Jonah that Emmy put there and is demanding that Hex stay in bed, have only a bland diet and no cigars. Hex continues to protest, but the doc hears none of it & Mrs. Crowley is determined to carry out the doc's orders.

Back at Brett's hideout, Emmy is in tears but Brett keeps telling her it was either Hex or her that would have been dead. The girls finally tell Emmy that they are the only family she has left now.

Dinnertime at the Crowley house consists of chicken broth & rice and a very irritable Jonah Hex. Mrs. Crowley literally throws her arms across the door, barring Hex escape to the local saloon.

That night, Jeremy Ashford, the son of the Gray Ghost, is camped outside of town & is starting to realize the size of the oath he swore on his father's deathbed. He doubts that he will be able to carry on the life of the Gray Ghost but he does acknowledge that he will kill Jonah Hex.

At the same time, Jonah, locked in his room, decides to tie bedsheets together and shimmy out the window and walk into town. He finally makes it to the saloon, orders dinner and starts working on a bottle of whiskey. At the bar, a thug named Quaid, takes an instant dislike to Hex and starts making trouble. He throws down on Hex only to be staring at the muzzle of Hex's pistol long before his own leaves the holster. Just then Mrs. Crowley storms into the saloon and demands that Hex holster his weapon, drop the whiskey and get back into bed this instant! Hex falters for a moment, hangs his head and complies.



Several miles away in another saloon, Adrian Sterling is fending off the advances of a very drunken cowpoke who is getting very irate that the waitresses aren't bestowing enough affection to compensate for the water:whiskey ratio in the drinks. Finally he starts to get rough and Adrian busts him across the chops with her cane. Several of the cowpokes buddies decide to get even but then a local card shark steps up and soundly trounces both men.

The next afternoon, the Jeremy Ashford, son of the Gray Ghost (sans costume) arrives at Mrs. Crowley's boarding house, since the local sheriff told him that is where Hex is staying. Crowley & Hex are playing gin rummy on the porch as Ashford walks up the steps. Suddenly Hex notices a rifle barrel pointing from an alley across the street and he jumps up, knocking Ashford down out of line of gunfire.

Jonah hotfoots it across the street and rushes into the alley, shooting and killing the gunman, the thug from the saloon the previous night. Ashford arrives shortly, helps Jonah to his feet and walks him back over to the boarding house. Ashford introduces himself and learns that the man who just saved his life is Jonah Hex.

That night in his room, Ashford is putting on the costume of the Gray Ghost. He is bedeviled by the fact that the man he has to kill is the man who saved his life. His whole new life has been thrust upon him, he never asked for this but what kind of son would not carry out an oath sworn to his dying father. Ashford walks down the hall to Hex's room and decides that once he kills Jonah Hex, the Gray Ghost will disappear for good.

In the room, Jonah Hex is asleep and racked by a nightmare. He is being pursued by three horsemen and he can't escape. Suddenly one of them appears in front of him and when Hex reigns in his horse he is suddenly ensnared by a lasso. Yanked from his saddle, Hex fights the ropes but the other two horsemen surround him and lasso him as well. The horsemen dismount, drawing their pistols, ready to kill Hex. They remove their hats and...



Ashford walks into Hex's room and stands over Hex. Standing over the helpless Hex, Ashford realizes that shooting a sleeping man is a an act of a coward and so is hiding behind a mask. He decides that he will kill Hex tomorrow, face to face and man to man.

In that saloon many miles away, the card shark, Mr. Erdnase, is escorting Adrian home after another night of work. She thanks him and he makes a lunch date with her for tomorrow. Adrian is still bothered by her amnesia and quietly walks up to her room for the night.

Next morning finds Mrs. Crowley tucking blankets around Jonah Hex while he rests in a glider swing in the front lawn. Hex is sitting there when Ashford walks up and sits in the swing. Ashford starts to tell Hex about what brought Ashford to town and that he is the Gray Ghost. Hex explains that he already knows. When Hex knocked Ashford down yesterday, he saw inside Ashford's bag and recognized the mask. Hex knows that Ashford isn't old enough to be the Ghost, therefore..

Ashford suddenly pulls a pistol on Hex and announces that he has to kill Hex. Jonah calmly tells Ashford that there ain't no life in what is about to happen. Hex has spent his entire life in blood and guts and killing and that is all he has known & all he will ever know. He tells Ashford to throw away the Gray Ghost and live his own life. Ashford says that Hex is only saying these things because he is scared to die.

Hex, gun barrel to the eye, states that is isn't afraid of death. Ashford cocks the hammer and then jumps up, storming away. Cursing Hex for saving his life, Ashford runs into the boarding house shouting that he has failed his father. Hex slowly pulls out a pistol from beneath the blanket and quietly drops the hammer.

Up in his room, Ashford is convinced he is an unworthy son and places the pistol to his own head and then ends his torment.

Statistics for this Issue
Men killed by Jonah - 1
Running Total - 422
Jonah's Injuries - Recovering from bullet last issue.
Timeline - This one covers three days. I would say that we are nearing the middle of July 1878.

A pretty good story, one about honor and the turmoil that it can cause when two types of honor conflict within an individual (Ashford) when he tries to keep his word to his father, honor Hex for saving his life, yet retain any of his own identity. The end where Ashford ends it all is particularly effective.

The Texiera art is a lot cleaner that what we were used to with DeZuniga and gives us a preview of what we'll see in Hex. Some of the characterization of Jonah was rather lacking. Having him buckle so quickly to Mrs. Crowely was uncharacteristic. The nightmare scene was one of the best parts of the book.

Next Issue: The return of JD Hart, the return of Mei Ling, more of Emmy Lou and Gray Morrow taking over the art chores.

Jonah Hex #88 "The Saloon Girl ... and the Outlaw Queen."

Jonah Hex #88 Dec 1984
"The Saloon Girl and the Outlaw Queen."
Michael Fleisher, story - Tony DeZuniga, art - Ed Hannigan & Tony DeZuniga cover

What was lost is now found!! I located issue #88!
The story starts off with Jonah Hex holding a wanted poster of Emmy Lou. The sheriff asks if Jonah knows the girl and Jonah declares that he has never seen her before. Leaving the sheriff's office Jonah is called out by four tough looking dudes who immediately open fire (they should have kept their mouths shut & just killed him.)

Jonah dives behind some crates and then shoot one of them in the throat. The others get a bright idea, lighting a newspaper on fire, tossing it across the street & setting the crates on fire. Jonah realizes that his cover will soon be gone, so he tosses a few bullets into the fire and ducks into the hotel right behind him. The bullets go off, leading the crooks to believe that Hex is still behind the crates.

Inside the hotel, Jonah Hex runs up the stairs, barges into a naked woman's room stating that he is with the hotel and he is gonna exterminate some muskrats on the roof. He climbs out the window, onto the roof, jumps onto another roof and manages to work his way across the street (?!?!) until he is on a roof on the same said of the street as the crooks. When they cross the street to check behind the crates, Jonah gets the drop on them & takes them in.

Meanwhile, Brett and the girls are having some target practice. Brett figures now that Emmy has her face on a wanted poster, she had better learn how to protect herself.

Elsewhere, at another gang's hideout, the leader of the gang (Lew) has gotten a brilliant idea. He has purchased a blonde wig and the smallest guy in the gang will wear it during their next robbery so that folks will be looking for Brett's gang instead of his.

Of course, the following day everything gets real complicated. Adrian Sterling is on a train heading west and she is talking to Temple Starr (this will be important later, trust me.) They discuss how men are the reason they are that train. Adrian is looking for her man and Adrian is leaving her man. She shows Adrian her locket that has a picture of herself & her man in it. Adrian admires it & asks if she can try it on. RABBIT TRAIL: Why do women do this? Men never say "That's a neat hat. Can I try it on?" They just ask "Where'd ya buy it?" END OF RABBIT TRAIL!

While this is happening, we see Lew & his gang jump on top of the train from an overhanging ledge. Inside, Temple is explaining that she is leaving the bar in Philly where she worked and has a job out in Willow Springs and produces the letter of the job offer she received.

Lew & his gang burst into the passenger car demanding money. One of the gang is wearing a the wig. One thug grabs Temple's handbag, she resists and they shoot her right in the face. Adrian starts screaming and they pistol whip her unconscious.



Back in town the telegraph operator gets word of the holdup, writes out the message and sends a runner after the sheriff. Jonah, sitting on the porch of the telegraph office, overhears the robbers consist of a bandit with yellow pigtails and he hightails it out to the scene in order to save Emmy from the oncoming posse.

Miles away in a doctor's office, Adrian Sterling awakens only to learn that she doesn't remember who she is or where she was going. The doc explains what happened on the train and informs her that her name is Temple, Temple Starr. He knows of this by the engraved locket around Adrian's neck and the letter offering her a job. Adrian thanks him for his time and wanders, dazed, out into the street.

That evening, back at Lew's hideout, the guys are congratulating themselves on a great haul when Jonah Hex walks in and shoots the wig wearing thug in the arm. Jonah mentions that he can't believe it "Pushin' forty like ah am, ah must be goin' soft tuh shoot him in the arm like thet."

The next morning finds the local sheriff taking the four men into custody from Jonah Hex. Jonah mentions that there never was a woman bandit and they can tear up Emmy's wanted poster. However, some men burst into the office announcing that the gang with the blonde pigtails just robbed the stage between "here & Pine Butte."

That evening, Adrian is sitting in her hotel room, trying to gather her past and determine what she will do since she doesn't even have any money to pay for her hotel room.

The next morning Brett and the girls are on the run and planning their next job. They are heading for Red Dog to rob the assayer's office & folks won't expect another robbery so soon. However, Jonah is on their tail, watching through some binoculars. Jonah acknowledges that Brett is smart for laying down a false trail that confused the posse, but that is for the best since it will allow him a chance to rescue Emmy.

Back in town, Adrian walks into a saloon to look for a job. The barkeep mentions that she is walking with a cane but Adrian begs for a job. The barkeep gives her a costume and tells her to try it on.

Right then, in Red Dog, Brett & the girls bust into the assayer's office and commence with the robbing. Jonah is right outside the window and is waiting for Emmy to be far enough away from everyone else before he makes his move.

Back at the bar Adrian walks out in her new costume and the barkeep almost passes out. Adrian gets the job at fifty cents a night plus tips and she can make extra money on her own time anyway she sees fit.

In Red Dog the robbery is going well. Brett and the girls head out the back to load up, leaving Emmy to cover them. Jonah kicks in the front door shouting "EMMY!" Emmy spins around startled and shoots Jonah square in the chest. As Jonah drops to the floor, Emmy panics and leaves out the back door.

Statistics for this issue
Men killed by Jonah: 1
Running Total: 421
Jonah's Injuries: Shot square in the chest (& possibly dead. Yeah, right!)
Timeline: This issue covers three full days. I would place it still in July 1878. Jonah mentions that he is "Pushin forty." This would jive with Jonah's birthdate of Nov 1, 1838.

This story jumped back & forth a lot, trying to set up a storyline for Adrian, that would allow us some closure without just leaving her dumped in New Orleans. We get Emmy & Jonah back together, with terrible results and thankfully, we don't have Mei Ling tossed in to really muck things up. I liked that Jonah has guys just gunning after him and he doesn't ask who or why, he just shoots them & takes them in.

Next Issue: More Emmy, More Adrian, and the Return of the Gray Ghost!

Jonah Hex movie Halloween costumes

Got an email (Thx to Jim!) pointing me to this video of a display of licensed Jonah Hex movie Halloween costumes. You can turn off the sound because all it has is loud music.



The little kid in the fullface costume is kinda weird, what with the "Megan Fox" chicks tramping around and the Playboy banner in the background. Also note the other fullhead mask (1:13). Is that John Malkovich? (I don't think so, too creepy). Note the background on the banner around 0:51 (the graveyard), that's a graveyard in New Orleans where they shot part of the film.

Based on the cost of this fullhead Avatar mask, looks like the Jonah Hex masks will run about $40. Hmmm, worth it? Official guns & knives? (My wife is gonna kill me for having these). Quentin Turnbulls cane? (Maybe they'll have a Turnbull mask as well.)

On a side note, which year was it that Halloween got declared a 'sexy' holiday?

Swamp Thing #85 "My Name is Nobody"

Swamp Thing #85 Apr 1989
"My Name is Nobody"
Rick Veitch, story & cover - Tom Mandrake & Alfredo Alcala, art

During this storyline Swamp Thing is traveling backwards through time. Issue 83 had Swampy leaving WWI (heading backwards) and #84 was concerned mostly with his supporting cast, so we come into #85 with almost nothing connecting to a prior issue.

It starts off with Firehair & Hawk, son of Tomahawk riding along until they come upon a horrific sight. Dozens of horses and men have been skewered by huge throny plants that seem to have sprung up from the desert with incredible speed. Both men, appearing to be elderly happen to find one survivor...







With a reference to San Antonio, this story appears to take place in Texas. Firehair & Hawk are heading for the ranch of Lazarus Lane. Watching over the ranch is Bat Lash, Madame .44 & Johnny Thunder. They also have Superchief and nearby is a member of the Black Bison cult. Things get kinda weird when Black Bison summons a tornado that appears to be Swamp Thing and then, of course, El Diablo shows up.

I'm just gonna recap what happens in the rest of the story because this is a Jonah Hex blog, not really a Swamp Thing blog.

• Black Bison gets stuck within a tree.
• Swamp Thing is in a huge crystal in the ranch.
• Madame .44 ties up Bat Lash and take Super Chief to save Johnny Thunder.
• Firehair & Hawk find Bat Lash but leave him tied up.
• Madame .44 & Johnny Thunder kill the bad guy, releasing Lazarus Lane from paralysis, Swamp Thing from the crystal and the Super Chief rips off Swamp Things arms.
• Jason Blood has rescued Bat Lash and Lash & Hex are playing cards in a wagon.
• Oh, this story takes place on Nov. 7th, 1872 (according to Hawk.
  

More exposition follows that would be of interest to Swamp Thing fans. Sadly, Swampy & Jonah Hex do not appear together in this issue. This story, sadly, is a victim of the DC Dumping Syndrome which basically states that is a hero is time traveling he will always run into a DC hero from that time period, no matter where he is and no matter what.

In the end, Jonah Hex shoots nobody and doesn't get hurt. Yawn.

Make your own Jonah Hex movie poster!

How? Well Tutorials Beware has the step by step process.

Weird Western Tales #71 "And the South Shall Rise Again

Weird Western Tales #71 Mar 2010
"And the South Shall Rise Again"
Dan Didio, story - Renato Arlem, art - Bill Sienkiewicz, cover - Mike Carlin, editor

I know I'm jumping out of my regular order for reviewing but I have to get this done. I have one word for this issue.

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRGGGHHGHGHGH
HHAARARARARARAAAGGGHHGHGHGHHH


First, Ranato Arlem is the artist? Oh, GAWD how I love to hate this man. I'm ready to fire up the scanner even before I open the book in anticipation of the Colorforms work that he does. So let's see how it goes.

Opening shot is of a graveyard is what is clearly Monument Valley, however, the text says "Here in the South..." WTF?!?!?! Let me be the first to state that Ranato Arlem is a dumbass and figured that since HE has never been outside his basement and has no idea what "the South" looks like and since he is drawing a "western" he'll trace a Western photo and convince all of us that it is in the South.

Also, let me be the first to state that Mike Carlin, editor, is an even BIGGER dumbass for allowing an error this size to get through to the printer. AND while I'm at it, let me toss Dan Didio onto the Dumbass truck since he is not only the writer but he's the HEAD OF D-FRIGGIN-C COMICS!!!!

So, the story starts with a man placing flowers on the grave of Quentin Turnbull and then getting a cell phone call. He is angry and rides back to the town of Illumination "the South's best & brightest". Now the town of Illumination, not only sits clearly in Monument Valley, it also consists solely of fakefront western town buildings, like what you see in WESTERNS!!!!



Anyway, we're now on page three and I have only seen two instances of photocopying (alert the authorities!!). The man rides his horse into town, dismounts and starts talking to Alicia, a woman in a lab coat. They run into a saloon and then enter a weird futuristic elevator (guarded by men with rocket launchers!) and descend, talking about someone who is bringing something to them. During this we learn the man is Joshua Turnbull, the great-great-grandson of Quentin Turnbull. (that noise you hear is my head asploding!! I'll cover THIS later)

They get off the elevator and are greeted by Simon Stagg, the Ray, and a bunch of Stagg's flunkies. It seems that the Ray has picked up one of the black rings (he found it on Don Hall's grave), encased it in light and brought it here so that Joshua Turnbull can unlock the mighty power in the ring. Seems that Stagg has financed Turnbull in the hope of finding alternative fuel sources and even "put it close to your family home for inspiration." Is he talking about Richmond, Virginia? You know, where MONUMENT VALLEY IS?!?!?!?

Anyway, Stagg leaves The Ray and Turnbull with the ring "a half mile underground with concrete & steel-reinforced walls." And then they start getting some weird power fluctuations and a guard comes running in stating that the rings are falling everywhere. In a huge action scene (snort) the wall caves in and the dead come stomping in and Scalphunter shouts that he hates every white man (even though he himself is white) and starts taking scalps.

The Ray is able to hold off several of the Civil War dead but then the Trigger Twins show up along with Super-Chief. A Stagg flunky is able to grab the black ring and get it to Turnbull right before Firehair rips out the flunky's heart. Turnbull and Alicia take off down the hall just as The Ray puts out a huge blast of light (does he die? How should we know? Didio is writing this!)

Turnbull, being the southern gentleman, realizes that something is coming down the hall toward them so he rings for the elevator and then shoves Alicia out into the hall just as the doors close. Alicia turns and is face to face with Black Bat Lash, who rips the heart from her chest.


Topside, Turnbull grabs a rocket launcher from the hands of a dead guard and heads out into the street. There he is confronted by the Black Jonah Hex who demands the ring from Turnbull. Joshua lifts the rocket launcher and fires, bringing down the entire church that Hex is in front of. Joshua starts gloating that he finally defeated Hex and that the Turnbull's have always been "a whipping dog ever since you killed Quentin Turnbull." (where the hell did THAT come from?)

Of course, Hex being Hex and undead and all, he survives and comes out of the burning church and starts shooting at Turnbull, winging him in the leg. Turnbull is laying on the ground, Hex standing over him asking what would Quentin Turnbull think of Joshua. That is answered when Black Quentin Turnbull himself shows up. Joshua pleads to Quentin to help stop Hex but Quentin suddenly draws a pistol and shoots Joshua dead.

Statistics for this Issue
Men killed by Jonah - 0
Jonah Injuries - Hell, he's DEAD!!
Timeline - 2010

Blech! A stupid stupid throwaway crossover event story that doesn't matter a hill of beans in the DCU. However, we DO learn a few things:

1. Quentin Turnbull obviously had other children besides Jeb (I'm not sure if Quentin ever referred to Jeb as his only son but I'll check)
2. Damn near everyone in the DCU west is buried outside Richmond, Virginia not too far from MONUMENT VALLEY!
3. Jonah Hex ends up killing Quentin Turnbull.
   
4. Joshua Turnbull appears out of nowhere, financed by Simon Stagg to find alternative fuels. Wow, talk about tying up loose ends in the DCU (not).
5. Arlem can actually make it through a whole book with only two photocopies!
   
6. Jonah Hex, somehow, somewhere, finally gets a funeral and buried.

This whole thing was a waste except for the cover and the zombiefied Bat Lash & Jonah Hex.
I just hope that this doesn't play into the Zombie-Confederacy-resurrected-by-Turnbull crap that is plaguing the Jonah Hex movie.

UPDATE: After reading some comments by Susan Hillwig I have to agree that this doesn't prove that Jonah is finally buried. The way the rings are working, they appear to be pulling corpses from wherever they may be and transporting them to wherever they need to be. So #6 should be struck from the list.

Jonah Hex fan poster!

We all know the photoshop disaster that the current Jonah Hex movie poster is, right? Well, Nathan at Room 122 whipped up this one last year and I think it's better than what WB currently has.

Justice League Europe Annual #2 1991

Justice League Europe Annual #2 1991
"Too Much Time"
Keith Giffen, Story - A ton of folks, art

This story is part of the Armageddon 2001 storyline (it's ten years in the future only 9 years ago. Neat, huh?) of which I didn't read any of it. From what I can surmise Waverider is trying to find out who Monarch is going to be so he contacts the JLI and looks into their future.

The weird thing (What?!?! Something weird with the JLE? Say it ain't so!) is that each of the members of the JLE have a bizarre future. Rocket Red ends up in Arthurian times and meets the Demon (with Marshall Rogers art), Power Girl is in 1940's London teamed with General Glory, Silver Sorceress is in prehistoric times with Anthro, Elongated Man meets H.G. Wells, The Crimson Fox is in the old west with Bat Lash, Blue Jay gets rejected by the Legion of Superheroes, and Metamorpho gets thrown into the future and... Well, It's best if I just show ya.
and guess who the stranger with the weird accent, pistol, and full face mask is. Anyone?
Yup, it's Jonah Hex in the far flung future and it's funny because Metamorpho's name is Rex, just one letter from Hex. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I laughed so hard I broke all my furniture!

Sheesh, to think I paid about $2 on ebay for this book. Such is the cross I bear to bring you this blog.

Well, CRAP!

Yes, CRAP! It appears that I have misplaced Jonah Hex #88! I guess I'll just have to run with some of Jonah's cameos this week. Hope I can find #88.