Matching Dragoons: Okay, let's go back in time and give you some ultimate control... Jonah Hex movie. Who do you cast? What story do you tell? Do you change anything from the comics (as sometimes movies do? Superman, Spider-Man...) Who directs, who writes?
Susan: Here's the thing: There's some stuff
 about the movie that I liked.  Overall, this was quite the fail, but 
parts of it were good to me.  Josh Brolin did a fine job, I think, so we
 can keep him.  I have no real opinion on other actors to cast, or who'd
 be the best director, but as far as writers go, I think they need to 
get more comic book writers in on these movies, because the people 
writing these characters month after month have a better grasp of them 
than Hollywood does more often than not.  Seriously, did they ever think
 of handing this script over to Justin & Jimmy and asking how true 
to the character it sounded?  Or maybe they did and the producers said, 
"Feh, what do they know?  They write funnybooks."  In my brain, I've 
cooked up about a half-dozen scenes that smooth out a lot of the bumps 
for me -- if I had the time, I'd make a "novelization" fanfic, just to 
salvage something outta that mess.
Focusing on the broad strokes, though, I'd say the 
first and foremost mistake the movie folks made (after giving Hex 
supernatural powers) was putting him in a "save the world" type 
situation.  That ain't Hex, he's small-scale, downright selfish at 
times.  So that's the sort of story to go with, something that's 
small-scale to most folks but very personal for Hex.  Next thing to do 
is bump is up to a R rating in order to get rid of any worry about 
pulling our punches.  If there's blood, if it gets gruesome, so be it, 
Jonah's world ain't any prettier than he is.  Third thing is to forget 
that we're making a "comic book movie".  That layers on expectations 
that Jonah refuses to live up to, and is probably why they saddled him 
with powers and a sympathetic origin...because, you know, comics is all 
capes and muties, right?  Why do we have a guy whose only superpower is 
being ugly and refusing to die?  That won't draw people in, but big ol' 
explosions and Megan Fox will.
Alright, let me get off the soapbox and spin our new 
yarn.  Instead of Jonah narrating, we have Tallulah Black -- the 
majority of this will be from her viewpoint.  As with the story that 
introduced her, Tallulah's family is slaughtered by thugs hired by the 
government to reposess land.  She's all scarred up and wants revenge, 
and to get it, she seeks out a man whose cruelty and viciousness is 
legendary: Jonah Hex.  She's heard stories, she knows he's an 
ex-Confederate and (according to some tales) a traitor who let his men 
die at Fort Charlotte.  A lot of what's in those first Tallulah issues 
would be used here -- the training, hunting down those responsible -- 
along with a few scenes where Tallulah tires to puzzle out the true 
Jonah from the stories.  She'll press him about some things, and he'll 
either give a short answer that says little or he won't say a word at 
all.  This is how the whole question of his scar would be handled: no 
origin tie-in, no huge scene, just Tallulah asking, "Did it happen 
during the War?", followed by a split-second flashback that only shows a
 red-hot tomahawk pressed to Jonah's face as he screams, then back to 
the present and Jonah saying to Tallulah, "After."
As in the comics, the two will grow close, and at some 
point we'll get some late-night-by-the-campfire sex.  Then our tale will
 take a twist as they head to Virginia to get the last guy.  Once there,
 they get waylaid by Turnbull and the Fort Charlotte Brigade, who put 
out a false trail to lure Hex in so they could get their own revenge.  
We'll use the kangaroo-court setting in WWT#30 as a basis for this, 
including locking Jonah and Tallulah in the shed for the night so they 
can be executed in the morning (she gets lumped in because she tried to 
help Hex fight off the Brigade guys).  While in there, Tallulah demands 
to know if all their accusations are true, and for the first time in our
 whole lil' movie, Jonah's gonna open up to another human being.  This 
would be part of a long flashback, showing Jonah's moral conflict over 
fighting for slavery, his surrender, and the backstabbing he got from 
the Union forces that led to all those Rebs dying.  After this 
catharsis, the duo manages to break out.  We get some more fighting, 
during which Tallulah gets seriously hurt, then a final conflict with 
Turnbull (maybe with him ending up on a pitchfork like he did the 
comic).  Jonah gets Tallulah to a doctor, and while she's still 
bedridden, he leaves her, saying that she's got more than enough 
experience to get the last guy on her own -- that small glimmer of 
humanity that peeked out in the shed has been smothered again.  The 
scene fades out, replaced by Tallulah with a baby girl in her arms -- 
the whole movie has simply been Tallulah telling the girl about her 
absent father, Jonah Hex.
There ya go, the perfect Hex movie...which probably still would've done horrid if you pitted it against Toy Story 3.
MD: Let's say All-Star Western is canceled and Jonah is thrown away completely from DC. Which character in DC now fills that Hex-Shaped hole in your pull list?
 Susan: If
 you mean a replacement of the same caliber, there really isn't one at 
the moment.  Thanks to this DCNu stuff, I'm buying fewer and fewer DC 
books.  Aside from All-Star Western, I get Green Lantern, Aquaman, The Shade, and I just jumped on Earth 2. 
 That's my DC quota right now.  Nothing that's currently being printed 
by them is capable of filling that hypothetical void, I'm sorry to say. 
 Matter of fact, I could probably walk comfortably away from DC if they 
axed ASW.  However, I can tell you who used to fill that hole in between the Hex Vertigo minis: Tommy Monaghan.  I devoured all 60 isses of Hitman,
 plus the few specials and guest-shots he appeared in.  I could totally 
picture Tommy and Jonah getting drunk together at Noonan's, then capping
 that off with a knock-down, drag-out brawl with some random strangers. 
 Of course, Tommy's dead now...unless Flashpoint retconned it.  Yeah, 
I'd take back every nasty thing I've ever said about The New 52 if it 
bought Tommy back!
MD: Does Marvel, or did they ever, have a character counterpart to Hex? I have one in mind, but I'll keep silent so as not to taint the jury.
 Susan: My
 Marvel Western experience is limited.  I dig Two-Gun Kid (he's an 
Avenger, what's not to love?), but I don't actively seek out his 
stories.  Him and Hex are like night and day, though, so no comparison 
there.  But if you're referring to any Marvel character, then 
Punisher's pretty close.  I know J&J used the phrase "Punisher in 
the Old West" when pitching the second series, so that might be why he 
comes to mind.  There's a good amount of Wolverine's personality in 
Jonah as well, that innate savageness that doesn't mix well with polite 
society.  Yeah, somewhere between Punisher and Wolverine, that's Jonah 
Hex.  That about what you had in mind?
 
 
No comments:
Post a Comment