Monday, March 30, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Jonah Hex #73 June 1982
"The Wheelchair Bounty Hunter!"
Michael Fleisher, story - Jose Luis Garcia Lopez, art - Ross Andru & Dick Giordano, cover
Good things about this book:
Jose Luis Garcia Lopez did the art
Bad things about this book:
This is an obvious filler issue from 1977-78 when Lopez was doing the art. But let's let the story stand on it's own two feet, shall we? hee hee, I made a funny.
Jonah Hex and Archie Nathanson are hiding in the brush under cover of darkness, scouting a nearby campfire. Nathanson has turned traitor on his boss, Jody Mantlo, in exchange for half of the bounty for bringing in the whole gang. Jonah emerges from the bushes, telling the sentry to drop his rifle and for everyone to ease slowly outta their bedrolls, but Jonah is surprised to find that the sentry is a straw dummy.
Just then Jody Mantlo and six of his men walk into the light of the campfire. they congratulate Archie on leading Jonah into their trap. Mantlo pulls a cigar from his mouth saying...
and then his henchmen push the plunger on the dynamite that is in the center of the camp. Jonah and Archie are blown to hell and Mantlo tells the gang to break up and lay low for a couple of weeks until he contacts them about their next job.
Hours pass and the sun comes up. A young Mexican lad with a wagon passes by the carnage and investigates. He determines that Nathanson is dead but Jonah is barely alive. He gets Jonah into the wagon and heads to town to get the doc. At the doctor's office, the boy rouses the doc and they both get Jonah inside. But not before the scene is witnessed by Burke, one of Mantlo's men.
Hours later, Jonah awakens and the doc explains how he came to be in the infirmary. Jonah tosses back he covers and jumps to his feet only to find that both of his legs are broken and are in casts from his ankles to his knees. The doc tells him that he has to stay off his feet for 5-6 weeks, but Jonah is concerned about the Mantlo gang busting in and killing everyone there. The doc assures Jonah that there was nobody on the street in the early hour when Manuel brought him in.
Late that night, Burke knocks on the door to the doc's office. Burke tells the doc that there is a hurt man down the street and then clubs the doc unconscious. Burke slowly makes his way to the infirmary, sneaks in and then unloads both barrels of his shotgun into Jonah's bed. Sadly for Burke, Jonah is sitting in a wheelchair across the room and places one bullet right between Burke's eyes. Jonah retrieves Burke's shotgun, determines that the doc will be okay and then wheels out into the night to locate Manuel.
Shortly thereafter, Manuel is driving his buckboard back to the sight of the explosion, Jonah in a wheelchair in the back. At the campsite, Manuel wheels Jonah down a homemade ramp and using a lantern Jonah determines the different directions that the Mantlo gang has gone.
Two days later, Wes is playing a good game of poker when a buddy informs him that there is a cripple in a wheelchair that wants to see him. Wes can't be bothered until he hears the voice of Jonah Hex. Wes grabs for his pistol, but Jonah unleashes the shotgun and drops Wes in his tracks. (One should note that Jonah had the brakes set on his wheelchair or else he would have rocketed across the saloon from the recoil).
The next night, Jonah, in his chair, is hiding in the shadowy hallway as Luke emerges from a saloon girl's room. Jonah greets him and Luke states that he has no guns. Jonah says that they're even, Jonah ain't got no legs. Luke takes off running, but Jonah throws a lasso around Luke's neck and strangles him in the hallway.
Unknown to Jonah, Pete, another gang member, is peeking out of his room and sees what happens. He sneaks out and goes to warn Mantlo.
Late the following afternoon, Manuel and Jonah are high atop a hill overlooking a cabin that they think is the hideout of the Mantlo gang. Suddenly they are surprised by Mantlo and the three remaining gang members. As Pete moves forward to push Jonah off the cliff, Manuel tries to protect Jonah. Mantlo guns Manuel down instantly. Pete shoves Jonah and the wheelchair over the cliff and they turn away.
What they don't see is that Jonah manages to stay upright in the chair until he can toss a lasso onto a tree limb and swing out of the chair right before it plummets into the river. Jonah then slowly lowers himself down the rope and crawls through the river until he finds his wheelchair, unbroken on the rocks below.
Jonah sets his sights on a nearby hill so he can get an idea of where the cabin is located. A half hour later he is at the top of the hill overlooking the Mantlo hideout. With a quick shove, Jonah starts his wheel chair rocketing down the hillside, aiming straight for the cabin.
Down in the cabin Mantlo and the guys are relishing the death of Jonah Hex when they hear..
Jonah unloads both pistols into the four men. Laying in the overturned wheelchair, Jonah is surprised when Manuel shows up at the door. Mantlo's bullet only grazed his scalp. He helps Jonah back into the wheelchair and up into the wagon and they head back to town.
Statistics for this Issue
Men Killed by Jonah - 7
Running Total - 392
Jonah's Injuries - Two broken legs
Timeline - This story covered 4 days. Since Jonah makes a reference to the Spirit of '76, this one happens after 1876 but there is no mention of the marriage. Not that THAT means anything.
Wow, how do I begin to rail against this story? From the indestructible wheelchair to Manuel's titanium noggin to the broken legs of Jonah Hex smashing in a wooden cabin door along with a pop culture reference to Johnny Carson, this story just reeked. The only thing that makes it a joy to look at is Lopez's artwork and distinctive style for each gang member. When I open this book, I look at it without reading it, kinda like watching a movie with the sound off.
The rest of the issue had an El Diablo backup. yaaawwwwn.
Next Issue - We're back into regular continuity and Jonah Hex attempts to bring Bill Clinton to justice. No, I'm not lying!!!
Monday, March 23, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Jonah Hex #72 May 1982
Michael Fleisher, story - Dick Ayers & Tony DeZuniga, art - Ross Andru & Dick Giordano, cover
Jonah, disguised as El Papagayo, in order to save Emmie Lou Hartley, who has been kidnapped by the aforementioned Mexican bandit, has broken into the palace of the President of Mexico in order to steal the necklace of Queen Isabella and having gotten his hands on the necklace attempts to escape but is suddenly stopped by the palace guards. (whew!)
Jonah shouts out but then...
The following afternoon the dead body of Jonah Hex/El Papagayo is laid out for viewing as an example of all those who would oppose the mighty Mexican government. The captain of the guards makes mention of the horrible scars that El Papagayo has, but chalks that up to the dangerous life of a bandit band leader.
Two men viewing the body are visibly shaken and leave rather quickly. Turns out they work for El Papagayo and rush back to tell the bandit leader what has happened. Emmy overhears and is heartbroken that Jonah is dead, but Papagayo sees it as a golden opportunity. With the Mexican government thinking that he is dead, there will be very few guards escorting the necklace back to Spain. Papagayo will swoop down like the beautiful Mexican parrot and steal the necklace!
Several nights later, the two thugs we met earlier are in the graveyard digging up the body of Jonah Hex in order to cash in on the matching Dragoons that Jonah was buried with. They finally remove the casket and break open the lid to find...
Jonah Hex has turned into a pile of STONES!!!!!
Nope, he has turned into a vengeful monkey and swinging from a tree kicks the holy living crap outta both of them. But he's not done! Jonah's fists, seeing what fun his feet had, want in on the action as well.
Jonah subdues the two thugs and then Col. Sanchez appears out of the darkness to take the men captive. The Col & Jonah are congratulating themselves on their wonderful plan to make Papagayo think that the necklace will be unguarded tomorrow and when he attempts to steal it, they shall capture Papagayo (remember the telegram that Jonah sent last issue? Good!). However, the keeper of the graveyard overhears everything and goes rushing off into town.
In town he tells an man named Emilio everything he heard in order for Emilio to ride to Papagayo and warn the bandit leader.
The next day, Hex & Sanchez are leading the troops guarding the necklace as it makes its way to the ship that will take it back to Spain. Sanchez has several hundred men riding just 10 minutes behind. Once they spot Papagayo, Sanchez will fire his pistol twice as a signal for the men to come rushing in. Just then, Sanchez's hat gets shot off his head.
Papagayo and his men are on a hill overlooking the small wagon carrying the necklace. He shouts down that he knows all about the plan and if any signals are attempted, Sanchez will be dead. Papagayo shouts that he has his own bag of tricks and has his men produce that bag. He cuts the bag open and out tumbles Emmy Lou, bound hand and foot. Now, Papagayo makes his demands. Hex must bring the necklace to Papagayo or Emmy gets a bullet in the head.
Jonah quickly clubs Sanchez unconscious and draws on the wagon guards. He takes the strongbox, unlocks it and grabs the necklace. Papagayo and his men ride off with Emmy, leaving Jonah with the necklace to follow.
An hour later, the bandit reigns in his horse at a covered pit. Jonah is clubbed unconscious and tied up then he and Emmy are lowered into the pit. Just as Jonah comes to, Papagayo orders a huge basket of tarantulas dumped into the pit then he and his men ride off.
Back in the spider filled pit, Jonah tells Emmy to cut her ropes on his spurs. She keeps working until she is free, unties herself and Jonah and then promptly feints. Jonah tosses her over his shoulder and climbs out of the pit.
Later that night, Papagayo and his men are talking about having left Jonah & Emmy to starve. Papagayo mentions that he will be missing the battle of wits with Hex. Just then a lookout returns to the campfire but it is really JONAH HEX!!!!. Jonah pistol whips Papagayo and turns him in to Col Sanchez.
The next afternoon, Col Sanchez thanks Jonah for returning the necklace and Emmy gets a new bonnet. Then, in an unexpected turn of events...
Statistics for this issue
Men Killed by Jonah - 0
Running Total - 385
Jonah's Injuries - Knocked unconscious.
Timeline - This one covers two days + "several days". Let's call it a week. By the end of this one we are probably into Dec 1877
I did like this one. Jonah's death, complete with a Wilhelm Scream, was an agonizing ballet of death dancing, the likes I had never seen before. El Papagayo was a wonderful villain but when is he going to learn to shoot Jonah and be done with it? I didn't care for Emmy fainting, it seemed like Fleisher didn't want to write dialogue for her, so he just had her pass out. The ending was very abrupt and then that weird last panel. Oooooooo, Papagayo is talking directly to MEEEEE. (At least, he didn't get his finger blown off whilst pointing at me.)
And how can you NOT love a book that has this???
Next Issue: The most Gawd-awful Jonah Hex story ever penned. And that includes all of the Justice League crossovers.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
How 'Bout...? (Tycoon Bill Faint Stows Away on the Ill-Fated Mars-Lab Rather Than Nurse Destiny) #132 Feb 1987
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Jonah Hex #71 April 1983
Michael Fleisher, story - Dick Ayers & Tony DeZuniga, art - Ross Andru & Dick Giordano, cover
There's Jason standing high atop the boulder, he and his three thugs having gotten the drop on Jonah, Emmy, Tim and Daniels. Jason is sick and tired of his old man giving all of the inheritance away on silly charities. Jonah speaks up and says that he hates to break up the family reunion but he has to get going and that Jason should step aside or...
Jason, stupidly replies "Or what?"
Jonah answers back...
Jason dives behind a rock and opens fire, clipping his dad in the head. Daniels is down (but not dead) and Jonah and Emmy are pinned behind a rock. Jonah gets a bright idea and.. well, I"ll just show ya.
After that, Jonah saddles up to go stop the Manitou. Shortly he spots the Manitou and his Mani-thugs on the cliff planting the dynamite. Jonah dismounts and then catches a slug on the right thigh, cleverly placed there by a Mani-lookout. Jonah, being one to never receive a gift without returning the favor, sends two bullets into the Mani-lookout, causing him to double over (thus creating a Mani-fold) and fall out of his Mani-lookout tree.
Manitou hears the gunfire but continues his rant about leading the Indians against the white man and also continues planting the dynamite.
Jonah is trying to figure out how he's gonna sneak up on the crazy Indians with a bum leg but just then Daniels rides up. Yup, Daniels, his head professionally bandaged by Emmy, has grabbed a horse and found Hex. He tells Hex that he hasn't had any peace since the death of Cassie Wainwright and this is his one chance to atone for his sins. Daniels jumps up and runs off to remove the dynamite.
Meanwhile, Manitou and two of his Mani-thugs are heading for the detonator. They turn and see Daniels running for the dynamite and the thugs head back to stop him. During the fight Daniels is kicked in the head and then double-fist clubbed in the noggin. The Manitou panics and realizes that he has to detonate the charge now. He lunges for the plunger but Daniels is able to get himself, the dynamite and the two thugs over the edge of the cliff before it explodes, thus ruining the Manitous's mani-plans.
Meanwhile, Jonah has worked his way up the cliff and gets the drop on the crazed Indian would-be leader. Jonah and Emmy wave goodbye to Tim Daniels and take the saboteurs into town. The end.
WAAAAAIIIT!! We're only on page 10!!!!
The next morning, in town, Jonah is heading to see the doc while Emmy gets them a room at the hotel. Walking through town, Jonah thinks he sees Mei Ling and runs over to her, only to realize his mistake. He gets to thinking that he isn't really over Mei Ling and that he is leaning on Emmy for emotional support. Something that he has to stop doing.
After seeing the doc, Jonah heads back to the hotel to find their room empty. Jonah inquires at the front desk and learns that Emmy left with 'two Mexican gentlemen' and they left a note. In the note?
Now Jonah is heading to Mexico to find El Papgayo, last seen way back when Jonah was fighting off the Fort Charlotte Brigade. Jonah rides into town and contemplates on the telegram that he sent Col Sanchez, hoping he gets it in time. Jonah takes a seat in the Punta Del Rojo Cantina (I thought it was the PUTA Del Rojo which means Red Whore. My bad). He waits about an hour until three men approach him and threaten to kill him. Stupidly they didn't realize you don't threaten to kill Jonah Hex, you just kill him. But....
Just the El Papgayo walks in and tells Jonah that he tried to stop these men, but kids are so stupid these days. Down to business, Papgayo explains that in order to get Emmy back, Jonah will have to do a favor for Papgayo.
On the ride back to El Papgayo's lair, Papgayo explains that the Mexican government has started cracking down on renegade bandits. However, in one week, President Diaz is having a huge party in the palace in Mexico City and the Spanish Ambassador is bringing a necklace worn by Queen Isabella herself. Papgayo intends on stealing it but knows that the palace would be heavily guarded. He plans on having Hex steal the necklace BUT so that everyone won't think that Papgayo is a coward, Hex will be disguised as El Papgayo when he commits the crime.
A week later, Jonah is in Mexico City, outside the palace. He works his way over the wall and knocks out two guards. Then he slides down a rope off the roof of the palace, right into the party. He grabs the necklace from the neck of the President's wife and heads out the front door. Just as he is about to mount up and ride off.....
Statistics for this Issue
Men Killed by Jonah - 7
Running Total - 385
Jonah's Injuries - Shot in right thigh
Timeline - This one covers about 8 days. The pacing is weird with one arc ending in the middle of the book and another starting right there. Fleisher did this for several issues, I think to boost readership or at least loyalty. Nov of 1877
Next Issue: The death of both Jonah Hex & El Papgayo. It's a two-fer!
Monday, March 09, 2009
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Transformers " hottie Megan Fox is taking her career to Western and underwater frontiers.
Fox is in final negotiations to join Josh Brolin and John Malkovich in "Jonah Hex," Warner Bros.' action Western based on the DC Comics character . She also is attached to star in and develop "Fathom," Fox Atomic 's comic book-based underwater adventure .
In "Hex," Fox will play Leila, a gun-wielding beauty and love interest of Hex (Brolin), a scarred bounty hunter tracking a voodoo practitioner (Malkovich) who wants to raise an army of undead to liberate the South. The movie is preparing for a shoot in April, with Jimmy Hayward directing.
This means that not only are they going with the Vertigo idea, they are jumping back to a crappy script from 1997. Yippee, give us something from 12 years ago. This kinds conflict with Malkovich being Turnbull, but it's Hollywood, so Turnbull is probably a voodoo daddy now.
I'm gonna go throw up now.
I just have one question here. Who the hell is narrating this? It's not the villain. It's not Superman. It's not Chris Claremont during one of his X-Men runs. Does anyone know?
Freud would have a field day with this panel...
Lighting fail here ladies and gentlemen. As a film/video professional let me just tell you that it isn't possible to light someone's head that way.
Dad forgets that even the man who wrote Jonah Hex couldn't keep the story straight. How the heck is the JLA writer supposed to know the caliber of Jonah's guns?
Editorial oversight that the text above was removed.
Oh, well. Let's continue on.
See, Hal knew fear long before he saw Coast City cooked up Cajun style. Parralax got him when Jonah shot that there varmint.
See, I think THIS is the best panel because we all knew it had to happen and have been waiting two issues for it.
I love it. Not a meteor or stray comet or something... WE ALL IMMEDIATELY KNOW IT'S AN ANTI-MATTER BUBBLE!!!!! Police science at work ladies and gentlemen.
"Erotser ruo seiromem dna ekat su emoh."
What Hex meant to say was "Two of them got blown to hell and back and we're running out of pages so we have no idea what happened to the other two."