Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Justice League of America #199 "Grand Canyon Showdown"

A long long time ago (October of 08), I presented JLA 198 with the promise of 199. Well that promise has been kept! Here, in all it's Gerry Conway/Don Heck glory (including commentary by myself and Eldest) is JLA #199 from Feb 1982

Ohhhh what teases me more? The George Perez cover or the buttocks of Hal Jordan? (The Perez cover for sure.)

I wonder who that shadow is supposed to be. It can't be Superman, he's stuck in a pile of those krypto-rocks.

Okay, kids, since you were too cheap to dish out 60 cents last month, you'll have to sit through a re-cap. This, is Recapsylvania and I am the lord of the castle...

This is Recapburg and I am the mayor

This is Recapville and I'm on the city council

This is....uh, this is.....ya don't want to know

There are soooo many captions that I refuse to put on this picture. Ooops, just thought of another one. Wait, how about "Cinnamon flashes gang signs?" ?

Too bad the Children of Israel didn't get struck by lightning and doused with weird chemicals. Then God wouldn't had to do that Parting of the Red Sea, they could have just ran across.

Time-Lord casts no shadow:Time-Lord = vampire.

Wow, no man was present when this thing hit earth in 1878? Where did it land, Antartica? The deepest part of Africa? Where did it land?!?!?

I just have one question here. Who the hell is narrating this? It's not the villain. It's not Superman. It's not Chris Claremont during one of his X-Men runs. Does anyone know?

Okay, wait just a minute. There was a thermonuclear explosion at the Grand Canyon in 1878 and nobody knows about it today?!?!? First off, I would have thought it would have drastically changed the shape of the canyon, second, there was a helluva lot of people in that area already (Flagstaff was settled in 1876). I'm calling Shenanigans on this idea.

Freud would have a field day with this panel...

Floating Head of Time-Lord is sad at cracked ground.

Lighting fail here ladies and gentlemen. As a film/video professional let me just tell you that it isn't possible to light someone's head that way.

"Nope! Nobody farted in here! Nobody at all! Maybe the dog did it. Maybe you're just hyper-sensitive. Nobody, but nobody broke wind in the this room, my chronal chamber. Nope, not on my watch."

I think that Time -Lord would have been better off kidnapping Bruce Willis, have him fly up in a space shuttle and catch the damn thing, but's that just me.

You go boy, claim that bubble. I also love that you can tell this is a pre-Crisis story because they use anti-matter. That was kinda off limits for awhile afterwards.

"...but being Superman has turned me into an arrogant douchebag. I mean, heck, what can hurt me? Besides red sun radiation, magic, 75 different forms of kryptonite, and that really really nasty rash that Wonder Woman gave me last year during Mardi Gras."

"How much would YOU expect to pay?!? $300? $200? $100? $75? NO! For only 5 easy payments of $19.95 this Life of Superman can be YOURS! And if you call within the next 15 minutes, we'll throw in the Life of Batman. WAIT!! There's MORE! The first 100 callers will also get the Life of Oliver Queen ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!!"

"I deserve to die." That Superman, he's so emo!

Awwww, looky at the cute green horsey that Hal made with his widdle-bitty ring.

Hmm, Hex uses .44 Dragoons and he didn't blow that snake's head clean off? Riiiiiiight.

Dad forgets that even the man who wrote Jonah Hex couldn't keep the story straight. How the heck is the JLA writer supposed to know the caliber of Jonah's guns?

"An Ah'm glad Ah don't have tuh wear them girly leotard things yuh got on."

Editorial oversight that the text above was removed.

Ominous horse & rider. Dah Dah Daaaaaaah!

Ralph scared the town dog!!

Yup, Ralph scared everyone in town, except for the local Chiropractor who fainted in shear happiness.

Okay, most of Scalphunter's adventures took place in the east, mostly New York & Washington D.C. and he hasn't heard of Metropolis!?!?! Proof positive that this is an alternate earth.

Uhm, has anyone else noticed that Scalphunter's war paint makes it look like his brain just exploded down his face?
Oh, well. Let's continue on.

"I think I know you, is that what I'm so afraid of? I'm afraid that I'm not sure of a 'know' there is no cure for. I think I know you isn't what life is made of.." oh, never mind, you're probably too young.


Yes, Cinnamon, we saw what he did to your gun. Just be glad he used his finger.

Bat Lash: Pimp Daddy of the West

Honestly, this is the best drawn panel in both books and it should be hanging in the Cowboy Hall of Fame & Western Museum.

Bat Lash is wearing hie eeevil face. EEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!

Well, a gun would solve it if you shot all of them dead right now. I think that would put a quick end to all of our misery.

Hey, they all look like Glint Eastwood. hee hee hee

Jonah notices Janet Pym flying in front of his face so he shoots her a thousand and one times. Two days later, Hank sends Hex the check in the mail.

Why would a ring-construct horse get spooked by gunfire? Anyone?

See, Hal knew fear long before he saw Coast City cooked up Cajun style. Parralax got him when Jonah shot that there varmint.

"Ah'm sure as hell a murderer, but ah ain't crazy. Even though Ah'm a jawin' with a feller in green tighties and a glowin' horse......Damn! Ah AM crazy!!"

"Of Hal Jordan and Jonah Hex, the first one to be hit in the head by a robot." BZZZZZ! "Who is Hal Jordan? I'll take "It's Obvious" for $1000, Alex."

See, I think THIS is the best panel because we all knew it had to happen and have been waiting two issues for it.

Who is Hal shouting at? Is he trying to save the robot from Hex? I am completely lost here, folks.

Factoid: Jonah Hex uses only bullets from the Kirby Ammo Co.

Hex & Hal were pretty close to town, weren't they?

Is it me, or does his voice sound like Mr. Smithers?

I think you mean Mr. Burns... Eeeeeeeeeexellent

Yup, these seven are the Wizards of Smart! Notice that Scalphunter is so disgusted with them, he's taken 4 horses and ridden off.

...Or not. The huge dust cloud they are kicking up had nothing to do with Scalphunter spotting them, did it?

Cuz if you called him "Murphy Brown" you'd sound like a retard?

"... even though I'm in a full body stocking in the middle of the desert. I RAWK!"

"...vibrating at super-speed." Why does a happy Iris Allen suddenly spring to mind?

Talk about verbal pun-ishment!

My pappy always said "You can lead a horse to water, but you're gonna need help to hold it's head under until it drowns so you can skin it and make some tasty whiney-burgers." My pappy scared a lot of kids in the neighborhood.

"I remember that Sue & I came here once with Ray & Jean. Funny old Jean, always pretending to push Sue over the edge and then saying 'Saved your life'. Gah, Jean always freaked me out. It bothered Sue a lot too, like Jean was always trying to get into Sue's head."

By this time Jonah had already shot several robots in the future a couple that belonged to Thomas Edison. He ain't scared of no 'bots.

I love it. Not a meteor or stray comet or something... WE ALL IMMEDIATELY KNOW IT'S AN ANTI-MATTER BUBBLE!!!!! Police science at work ladies and gentlemen.

How far away from Ralph was Flash standing to begin with?

Hey! Scalpy pulled that same trick on Batman. Cool, he has an MO.

"Good shooting, Man-with-icky-face. Now get-um me the hell outta here."

How about this incantation? "Tnaig llaberif raeppasid yletelpmoc" and after that one:
"Erotser ruo seiromem dna ekat su emoh."

...killing Hal Jordan and Zatanna in the process. Flash! YOU RAWK!

Why does Bat Lash's warning sound like it came from a Heath Ledger western?

What Hex meant to say was "Two of them got blown to hell and back and we're running out of pages so we have no idea what happened to the other two."

Oh great, now the Justice League finish each others sentences just like Huey, Dewey, & Louie.

Some other time, huh? How many OTHER secrets is Kent hiding? Stealing Wonder Woman's panties? Putting Ben-Gay in Batman's Bat-cup? Loosening the top to the salt shaker in the JLA-feteria?

1 comment:

H said...

This is why the comics blogosphere makes me happy. Until this entry, I had gotten no value for the money I spent buying that comic.

Funny stuff. Thanks Dwayne!